~ I am the bridge, the balance and the voice that connects all realms ~ Jyade Cythrawl
Updated on Sept 4, 2013
I am your holy totem - I am your sick taboo
Radical & radiant, I'm your nightmare coming true
Malignantly malevolent I am of divine descent ~ *KMFDM
Priestess of the Dead
The Damned
&
The Demons
Teacher & Guide to the Living, Lost & Confused
August 8, 2013
My best realizations and experiences were acquired through intuitive means. At later dates, usually years later, I would stumble upon some mythological texts, or other which would then verify the information and or experiences that I had been given or went through. This information always follows the same suit, telling the age-old story of initiation.
Transformation - To transform is to change, to journey to the unknown. It is frightening yet it is exciting simultaneously.
It’s what keeps information (learning) flowing -possible. To not change is to stagnate, to remain asleep, in another cocoon.
To journey, to live, requires courage. When something happens to us we receive a new perspective, a new angle, and a new reality by which to view, and live a situation and our lives, or the lives of others (to walk a mile in another’s shoes.) We have received new information. Things are now different and we relate in new terms, which we knew not of before. When something is taken away or added or just changed in some manner our reality has been altered, we now see the landscape of our life much differently.
For instance, extreme but non the less examples: the man that is rich and loses his fortune, the man who walks the straight and narrow and becomes a junkie, the woman who loses her religious faith and so on. The situations and the examples are endless.
Puzzle Pieces
~ …The end of this stage represents the accumulation the information gained, and the gestation from which the reincarnation or rebirth will be possible. (in this lifetime); your new situation.
The entire process is one of constant purging and purification. The process of becoming is also one of understanding.
You will gain insight and knowledge. Things will not make immediate sense, although the knowledge is there and has been absorbed along with an inner knowing. It will come into perspective at the proper time, and it will serve to clarify the next cycle. This is the clarification of all that was acquired during the other phases and the expanding and refining of it. You will also be able to understand it; thereby it will change you completely. Your life will reflect the knowledge you have gained. Each time you will have been left with your core self, adding, evolving, and refining…~
Jan. 28, 2005 ~
Following are some bits and pieces of old material, and a small insight as to what I have been up to over the years.
Spirituality and the journey are introverted - turned or focused inwards. The mystical experience is beyond description, it is that which is ineffable. It is often quite difficult to relate in words ones mystical experience.
Another key factor of true mysticism is the degree to which it changes a persons life. (It changed the entire course of my life). Being dedicated to the path of Darkness / spirituality means constant contact, change, self awareness, self examination, growth and pain which is a by product of dedication to the search for truth. It is being open to the challenges from them and others, having been exposed to the truth, one can not lie.
This leaves one open to the criticism of others. Most would take offense to challenge, it is in fact wearisome and takes it's toll but for those of us on the front lines of exposure to the public, letting the world into our words, minds, realities and truths often being painfully and openly prodded and picked apart, our honesty is richly rewarded by constant personal growth via these challenges. Through introspection, research and being continuously in touch with our work- our mission- our souls, minds and our world, our intellect is expanded all the while keeping us in constant communion with the 'Gods'.
It assures us of successful growth. The entire process is one of constant purging, purification and understanding. The journey is also stages of trial, tribulation and experience which are imperative for growth. Not everyone is called on such a journey but the ones who are and do not answer the call betray themselves- and the Spirits. The ones which procrastinate will be sent to deeper realms of Darkness, this I know, for I did procrastinate and away I got sent, right into the Nether Darkness, not a pleasant realm, but one which offers us more experience come about in ways most unpleasant, and its easy to lost down there, so beware.
One's journey and its stages are an awakening of many types and one is to the monotony of the false self and of being in the state of sleep. The call to the search for Truth is answered by taking an inward psychic journey as well as the journey through the dimensions of the Underworld, for some.
This and our own journey is cyclic, it continues as long as we continue our life and our search; knowledge. We resurface to the outer world only to plunge back under again as necessary when we begin to stagnate, or when we need to add to our experiences, or when we grow complacent with our selves and our positions in life; who we are or have become.
We realize we have come to an end stage, much to our dismay, our knowledge and strength are put to the test. We fail, or so it seems, and we are pushed back into the waters of death to be reborn and reformed once more, wiser and stronger.
The trip may seem dreadful and unwanted but it pushes us onward to new levels of experience, understanding, growth and expertise. The purifying waters of chaos open up what may have been blocked channels of creative energy, teaching us the meanings, connections and reasoning behind the trials and terrors that we had to endure. When one sits back and gets comfortable with what Truth or the 'Gods' have already revealed to him, his/her existence becomes inauthentic-stagnant and we need to be freed from ourselves once again. We need to recognize, accept and welcome the fact that our suffering and mistakes is what brings us our real growth, wisdom and success.
Welcome Azazel, welcome thou art unto me...
copyright Jyade C.
The Archives
This part was written around 2001
This was my first public introduction,
as I tried to keep my personal identity out of this~
Hail Dark Queen! My Dark Mother!
I have consecrated my entire being to you and your service
- my body, my heart and my soul.
My devotion to you is total. O Divine Mother I belong to you..
© Jyade C.
..We are the night, the legacy of ancient years
Your ancestors and precious ones of olde
Why have we all been forsaken
Condemned by fools and followers which slumber
Condemning the ancient sacred beauty of the spirit world
For there is where we now reside
Cast out by mans folly and pride
Banishment, ignorance and lies
You and I - we are all one
By shunning us our light has been inverted and now Illuminates the Underworld
But how many will come, how many are chosen
To journey far below the safety of this circus called the human world
No ear to hear the wind, for foolishness breeds more fools
We still see
But can you hear..
© Jyade C
Now I will offer a little history and some back ground on who I am. This has become necessary due to the amount of mail I receive regarding these issues. This information is being provided for the ones who have repeatedly asked and for those of you who might want to know a little more, as well as for the many arm chair scholars that write to me. Believe what you will -or not, I can't blame you, nonetheless popular opinion will not change anything. I learned what I know from the source and by experience, not from books as most have. I haven’t said much about myself until now because I would prefer to keep quiet. However, it seems this is no longer an option. As far as my occult beginnings and such:
I was called by the spirits. In other words, they found me, enlisted me and taught me. I did not think all of this up myself, neither did I have any clue what I was in for. It has been a hell of a trip, and it's still not finished. And yet after all I've been through, I would still not trade any of my
experiences or change it one bit. Because of their (spirits, angels, demons etc.) personal and continual interaction with me, I realized at one point that all of this privileged information was not solely for my benefit and that I was to tell others about it - for two reasons. I wasn't to pleased with the idea of becoming involved with other people, having my privacy invaded or being scrutinized incessantly, but in the long run it's worth it when I see someone come to know the Dark Divine and understand Who and What they are and what it's all about.
*However the main reason for telling their story, my story and giving out information is to serve the agenda of the Spirits, and not so much to help others.
(Note Dec, 2004: Actually after all my recent adventures and experience, I know there are some people I am to help.
I didn't think it was possible...
I have grown to possess some real compassion. Those demons never cease to amaze me! ~end )
Their story is now my story, we have become inseparable. If these things, all of it - the whole story- did not happen to me, I would never be able to understand its totality by hearing it from another. I would believe but not be able to comprehend its total reality or meaning. It's a fantastic thing and it is available to us all. That is what I am trying to do, bridge the ancient gap between them and the rest of us.
Mind you, I had no idea in my beginnings that there was a 'magic revival' going on around me. I actually had no clue what "magick" was as far as the long line of books were concerned. Everything I knew came from deep within me. I was living a some what normal life prior to their arrival. This doesn't mean that before hand I didn't believe in the existence of demons, angels and other creatures of faery tales. I did believe, and I acknowledged them as well, going as far as to offer libations on special days, among other things.. Why or how I knew I can't say for sure. I have always had magic working in my life, I just started to lose sight of it when I grew up. ( damn society and tradition)
I'm grateful that I was sheltered from the population and opinions of magicians and related books when this started in earnest because the information that I received would remain untainted and echo with truth upon further investigation, experience and interaction.
Jan. 2005
Some of my special interests and studies that I have pursued are magick, history, mythology & religion - all types, philosophy, sociology, abnormal/ psychology, quantum physics, and chaos theory; Black metal, vampirism, blood, goth, among many other things. Because of my objectivity, constant research, reading and interaction my spiritual opinions are grounded in reality as well as that which I have experienced and have witnessed, i.e., the fantastic, altered reality, the realm of the spirits. I also travel a lot, around the U.S. as well as through out Europe whenever I get the chance. I spent the better part of my life traveling to Europe. My mother was born and lived in Budapest Hungary and my father in Kolozsvar, Transylvania. We owned a rather lovely estate in Transylvania, complete with vineyard, crypt the whole nine yards until the f*cking communists came and took everything away. It now lays in ruins, along with the decayed bones of my ancestors. Oh well. My parents stayed until the revolution in 1956. My father was active in the revolution efforts and was arrested and marked for death. He escaped, thank gods. There’s more, but maybe i will get into it later on... maybe...
The rest of my rather large family still lives there. I go back often, as well as check out other countries. I was also married for 9 years. I got divorced in 1996. I also have a 16 year old son. I have an interesting, colorful and unique family history to say the least. (I'm really into history, especially my family history - since there is so much of it.) Something else I have been studying up on is the the Szekely- Hungarian Rovás, aka Hungarian Runes. I bought as many books on it as I could possibly find while in Budapest recently (not easy) . Fascinating stuff. (I am descended from the Szekely tribe, however that is not my main interest.)
I have been in the retail end of the occult business since 1995. Many people ask me if I have a normal job besides this. No, I do not, as a matter of fact there is nothing remotely normal about me anymore and I prefer it this way, (most of the time) I write, read, travel, party and live a truly strange life. Actually, my life keeps getting weirder every year. Lot of bad, good, surprises, and always interesting!
This is who I am and this is what I do. I am for real unlike a lot people. Everything I do is real and usually has some meaning- one way or another. I'm definitely not proud of some of my past activities or behaviors, but I'm never ashamed. Hell, I wouldn't be me without them! You cant learn until you suffer intensely and survive it..
If you want to hear more about my initial story click the Winter Darkness link above.
April 21, 2001
My observations and interactions with many people have lead me to believe these same are to white light orientated, close minded or just plain brain washed to ever want to change, gain wisdom or become more than they are.
Yes, live and let live is fine with me and something I firmly advocate, however when this mess comes calling on me I have something to say.
Or when hysteria and misinformation run amuck, it’s time to clear things up a bit. These souls do not understand the concept of the Dark Divine, the Left Hand Path or the nature of Darkness in general. The concepts elude them and it becomes as evil as it is misunderstood. They are ignorant in the fact that they judge immediately without ever obtaining any of the real facts. They are so blinded by the light that when they see any shadows it scares them. They really have no idea what lies on the other side.
Darkness is not Hollywood Satanism, which is where everyone gets their misinformation from now days, or so it seems. TV talk shows and the hype they push are as accountable for the mess as religion. All they have done is scrambled the misinterpretations of mythology and ancient religions, and by doing so have created a hysteria.
Every time I see one of these shows I feel as if I am living in the middle ages. The close-minded judge within their own faith and boundaries, closing the door on understanding. If they were to understand they may become disillusioned and their world just might collapse. I know, because when I opened the door to understanding my world ended.
It scared the hell out of me, but if I could question my beliefs which were in fact my societies beliefs, the ones which were instilled on me and taught to me as a child, that much and find fault with them (and mainly I must admit similarities with other ancient world mythologies , thanks Joseph Campbell!) , it was time to move on, to let go of them and that stifling mentality.
Only then can you replace the information. You have to clear your mind of any preconceived notions. Misunderstanding leads to distortion; fear; ugliness; panic. It is the false built upon the false. This is the real evil against evil! What does this mean? New interpretations of the misunderstandings and a whole new tradition of misunderstandings built upon the false information. Tell me, where does this lead? Back to the middle ages. This is the mentality we are dealing with. Frightening. Darkness is the place of creation. Freedom to create. Chaos. And Chaos is the means of creation. Truth is frightening and you must be prepared to handle it.
For one to dare to enter the Dark, to learn about yourself, to seek the truth, you must submerge yourself into the Darkness, into the black unknown. To dare the Darkness is to dare to learn about yourself. To block out the shadow side of the self is to deny oneself entirely. It is mistaken as evil and offensive. Only in the Darkness have I found rapid change and growth. It has opened up many new doors for me, as well as ancient ones. I have gained insight and knowledge of a path that is unfathomable to most people. I have found strength and change within the shadows. Open the door of Darkness because growth, understanding and wisdom await you on the other side
..We need to see where our ideas actually came from; what are they based on.
Research this, correct it and then move forward with the correct information and out of the stone age.. ~Jyade
I live in the shadows
You think I am wicked
but do you know me?
Have you any understanding?
Do you really seek the truth or are you a prisoner of your world
You think I am evil, therefore I have no respect for you
You look but you can not see
You hear but do not understand
You are a prisoner of your own mind
If you could only see beyond the folly of society
You would see the truth
You would be set free
You are still blind, trapped in a maze of logic and sanity
for you have been conditioned not to see
The key that is in your hand
You’ve been conditioned to believe
that you must fear the Dark
© Jyade C
That's all for now.
Thanks for stopping by,
Auf wiedersehen - Ha det - Viszont látásra!
~ Jyade
This part was written around 2001
This was my first public introduction,
as I tried to keep my personal identity out of this~
Hail Dark Queen! My Dark Mother!
I have consecrated my entire being to you and your service
- my body, my heart and my soul.
My devotion to you is total. O Divine Mother I belong to you..
© Jyade C.
..We are the night, the legacy of ancient years
Your ancestors and precious ones of olde
Why have we all been forsaken
Condemned by fools and followers which slumber
Condemning the ancient sacred beauty of the spirit world
For there is where we now reside
Cast out by mans folly and pride
Banishment, ignorance and lies
You and I - we are all one
By shunning us our light has been inverted and now Illuminates the Underworld
But how many will come, how many are chosen
To journey far below the safety of this circus called the human world
No ear to hear the wind, for foolishness breeds more fools
We still see
But can you hear..
© Jyade C
Now I will offer a little history and some back ground on who I am. This has become necessary due to the amount of mail I receive regarding these issues. This information is being provided for the ones who have repeatedly asked and for those of you who might want to know a little more, as well as for the many arm chair scholars that write to me. Believe what you will -or not, I can't blame you, nonetheless popular opinion will not change anything. I learned what I know from the source and by experience, not from books as most have. I haven’t said much about myself until now because I would prefer to keep quiet. However, it seems this is no longer an option. As far as my occult beginnings and such:
I was called by the spirits. In other words, they found me, enlisted me and taught me. I did not think all of this up myself, neither did I have any clue what I was in for. It has been a hell of a trip, and it's still not finished. And yet after all I've been through, I would still not trade any of my
experiences or change it one bit. Because of their (spirits, angels, demons etc.) personal and continual interaction with me, I realized at one point that all of this privileged information was not solely for my benefit and that I was to tell others about it - for two reasons. I wasn't to pleased with the idea of becoming involved with other people, having my privacy invaded or being scrutinized incessantly, but in the long run it's worth it when I see someone come to know the Dark Divine and understand Who and What they are and what it's all about.
*However the main reason for telling their story, my story and giving out information is to serve the agenda of the Spirits, and not so much to help others.
(Note Dec, 2004: Actually after all my recent adventures and experience, I know there are some people I am to help.
I didn't think it was possible...
I have grown to possess some real compassion. Those demons never cease to amaze me! ~end )
Their story is now my story, we have become inseparable. If these things, all of it - the whole story- did not happen to me, I would never be able to understand its totality by hearing it from another. I would believe but not be able to comprehend its total reality or meaning. It's a fantastic thing and it is available to us all. That is what I am trying to do, bridge the ancient gap between them and the rest of us.
Mind you, I had no idea in my beginnings that there was a 'magic revival' going on around me. I actually had no clue what "magick" was as far as the long line of books were concerned. Everything I knew came from deep within me. I was living a some what normal life prior to their arrival. This doesn't mean that before hand I didn't believe in the existence of demons, angels and other creatures of faery tales. I did believe, and I acknowledged them as well, going as far as to offer libations on special days, among other things.. Why or how I knew I can't say for sure. I have always had magic working in my life, I just started to lose sight of it when I grew up. ( damn society and tradition)
I'm grateful that I was sheltered from the population and opinions of magicians and related books when this started in earnest because the information that I received would remain untainted and echo with truth upon further investigation, experience and interaction.
Jan. 2005
Some of my special interests and studies that I have pursued are magick, history, mythology & religion - all types, philosophy, sociology, abnormal/ psychology, quantum physics, and chaos theory; Black metal, vampirism, blood, goth, among many other things. Because of my objectivity, constant research, reading and interaction my spiritual opinions are grounded in reality as well as that which I have experienced and have witnessed, i.e., the fantastic, altered reality, the realm of the spirits. I also travel a lot, around the U.S. as well as through out Europe whenever I get the chance. I spent the better part of my life traveling to Europe. My mother was born and lived in Budapest Hungary and my father in Kolozsvar, Transylvania. We owned a rather lovely estate in Transylvania, complete with vineyard, crypt the whole nine yards until the f*cking communists came and took everything away. It now lays in ruins, along with the decayed bones of my ancestors. Oh well. My parents stayed until the revolution in 1956. My father was active in the revolution efforts and was arrested and marked for death. He escaped, thank gods. There’s more, but maybe i will get into it later on... maybe...
The rest of my rather large family still lives there. I go back often, as well as check out other countries. I was also married for 9 years. I got divorced in 1996. I also have a 16 year old son. I have an interesting, colorful and unique family history to say the least. (I'm really into history, especially my family history - since there is so much of it.) Something else I have been studying up on is the the Szekely- Hungarian Rovás, aka Hungarian Runes. I bought as many books on it as I could possibly find while in Budapest recently (not easy) . Fascinating stuff. (I am descended from the Szekely tribe, however that is not my main interest.)
I have been in the retail end of the occult business since 1995. Many people ask me if I have a normal job besides this. No, I do not, as a matter of fact there is nothing remotely normal about me anymore and I prefer it this way, (most of the time) I write, read, travel, party and live a truly strange life. Actually, my life keeps getting weirder every year. Lot of bad, good, surprises, and always interesting!
This is who I am and this is what I do. I am for real unlike a lot people. Everything I do is real and usually has some meaning- one way or another. I'm definitely not proud of some of my past activities or behaviors, but I'm never ashamed. Hell, I wouldn't be me without them! You cant learn until you suffer intensely and survive it..
If you want to hear more about my initial story click the Winter Darkness link above.
April 21, 2001
My observations and interactions with many people have lead me to believe these same are to white light orientated, close minded or just plain brain washed to ever want to change, gain wisdom or become more than they are.
Yes, live and let live is fine with me and something I firmly advocate, however when this mess comes calling on me I have something to say.
Or when hysteria and misinformation run amuck, it’s time to clear things up a bit. These souls do not understand the concept of the Dark Divine, the Left Hand Path or the nature of Darkness in general. The concepts elude them and it becomes as evil as it is misunderstood. They are ignorant in the fact that they judge immediately without ever obtaining any of the real facts. They are so blinded by the light that when they see any shadows it scares them. They really have no idea what lies on the other side.
Darkness is not Hollywood Satanism, which is where everyone gets their misinformation from now days, or so it seems. TV talk shows and the hype they push are as accountable for the mess as religion. All they have done is scrambled the misinterpretations of mythology and ancient religions, and by doing so have created a hysteria.
Every time I see one of these shows I feel as if I am living in the middle ages. The close-minded judge within their own faith and boundaries, closing the door on understanding. If they were to understand they may become disillusioned and their world just might collapse. I know, because when I opened the door to understanding my world ended.
It scared the hell out of me, but if I could question my beliefs which were in fact my societies beliefs, the ones which were instilled on me and taught to me as a child, that much and find fault with them (and mainly I must admit similarities with other ancient world mythologies , thanks Joseph Campbell!) , it was time to move on, to let go of them and that stifling mentality.
Only then can you replace the information. You have to clear your mind of any preconceived notions. Misunderstanding leads to distortion; fear; ugliness; panic. It is the false built upon the false. This is the real evil against evil! What does this mean? New interpretations of the misunderstandings and a whole new tradition of misunderstandings built upon the false information. Tell me, where does this lead? Back to the middle ages. This is the mentality we are dealing with. Frightening. Darkness is the place of creation. Freedom to create. Chaos. And Chaos is the means of creation. Truth is frightening and you must be prepared to handle it.
For one to dare to enter the Dark, to learn about yourself, to seek the truth, you must submerge yourself into the Darkness, into the black unknown. To dare the Darkness is to dare to learn about yourself. To block out the shadow side of the self is to deny oneself entirely. It is mistaken as evil and offensive. Only in the Darkness have I found rapid change and growth. It has opened up many new doors for me, as well as ancient ones. I have gained insight and knowledge of a path that is unfathomable to most people. I have found strength and change within the shadows. Open the door of Darkness because growth, understanding and wisdom await you on the other side
..We need to see where our ideas actually came from; what are they based on.
Research this, correct it and then move forward with the correct information and out of the stone age.. ~Jyade
I live in the shadows
You think I am wicked
but do you know me?
Have you any understanding?
Do you really seek the truth or are you a prisoner of your world
You think I am evil, therefore I have no respect for you
You look but you can not see
You hear but do not understand
You are a prisoner of your own mind
If you could only see beyond the folly of society
You would see the truth
You would be set free
You are still blind, trapped in a maze of logic and sanity
for you have been conditioned not to see
The key that is in your hand
You’ve been conditioned to believe
that you must fear the Dark
© Jyade C
That's all for now.
Thanks for stopping by,
Auf wiedersehen - Ha det - Viszont látásra!
~ Jyade